running down a dream

i've been running lately.

there. it's out in printed word. i guess i finally have to admit: i'm becoming a runner.

{melodramatic-think drew barrymore-sigh}

this is meaningful only to those who know me well. there are two things i detest: beets and running. and i'm not quiet on either of these opinions, nor respectful of those who differ from mine.

i used to think a lit bonfire in my pants {now don't get naughty, i'm talking a literal fire you scamps} would be the only thing to get these feet skipping faster than a 1.5 m.p.h. speed on a treadmonster. zero incline of course.

but something happened when i was in mexico this summer, in an effort to lose the rest of the world and its problems, i found my gait.

a stride which steadies my breath, narrows my focus, and reigns in my anxiety.

i can't run for very long. pain sets into my usual spots.

but those minutes are precious. preferably without distraction, just me, my headphones and my monster.

the music varies according to my mood and what i need, but without fail lissie is always somewhere on my playlist.

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/23470365http://www.vimeo.com/23470365 w=660 h=420]

wednesday happy to you m'loves.

twitch-gate

so twitchy has officially been with me for 6 months. if she were a baby, i'd be easing her into solid foods {oatmeal and rice- since they're more fiber rich and less constipating}, and introducing the sippy cup.

but she is not a baby. she is not something i birthed from the bliss of my happy marriage. nor did she stem from a deep need to create new life in the genetic ice blended of my husband and me.

this hooch just showed her unwelcome, irritating self in and up into my lower, right eyelid. she settled in, pulled up a chair, ordered a pizza, watched a little direct-tv, went through my clothes and made herself at home. and she's been there, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, save for a couple of hours, post mexican vacation bliss.

attempting to rid this unwanted houseguest, i went through a solid round of acupuncture. although soothing and calming, the needles were a bust. it was a bit confusing when my persian doctor would extol the merits of chinese medicine, but then tell me she was praying to jesus for my recovery. my meridians didn't know whether to make the sign of the cross, bow or kneel.

my potassium, magnesium, b-vitamin, and caffeine levels have all been checked too...i'm a big time supplementer as it is, but now, just for good measure, i'm a mega-supplementer. i'm my own GNC store these days. yet it's done nothing for the party bus in my eye.

two weeks ago, after a three-month wait, i finally was able to get in to see the wonder woman of eye specialty. doctor eye-fix-you-up was going to cease the six month mardi gras in lower right peeper.

as i was lead into the exam room i had to harness my deep, diaphragmatic breathing. i was excited and anxious. i was hopeful doctor-sight-for-sore-eyes was going to find twitchy a new home. i snuggled down into the large, vinyl reclining chair and waited to be cured.

three hours and 48 minutes later, i was still in the chair, still had not seen  doctor-eye-have-better-things-to-do and was one month's salary poorer. rather than kill the wait time with the provided woman's day and runner's world magazines, i killed my bank account with ipad shopping. new shoes from net-a-porter, a doo-dad from 1st dibs and some potions from beautyhabit.com. i was getting confirmation receipts as well as s.o.s alerts from my bank wondering if my credit card had been stolen.

when doctor-eye-get-waiting-room-kickbacks-from-american-express finally appeared, i was so grateful for the shopping intervention, i couldn't get angry for the wait; and after all this was the woman who was about to work a miracle.

she shined blinding lights in my irises, checked my vision {20-15 thank you very much}, squirted some drops which made me cry, not tear, cry, and finished with 2 rounds of what felt like ping-pong paddles to my eyeballs. afterward, i had the disposition of declawed cat who had been given a cold, wet bath.

i was not a happy kitten. even with new fancy shoes coming in the mail.

dr. kiss-my-ass had determined that my twitch issue wasn't of a vision origin, and decided that the best solution was to inject botox into the trouble-making party. she also decided that somewhere down the line i should come back and get a "very simple, out-patient surgery, to remove the deep, puffy bags under {my} eyes."

doctor, you also should decide what kind of, in-patient, surgery you will need after i break your face! 

although i was not exactly thrilled with the botox idea {a giant needle of botulism into my bottom eyelid?}, i signed the waiver agreeing to possible permanent disfigurement and loss of vision, betting my money {what was left} that this woman knew best.

in went the needle. i silenced my scream, but not my tears. twitchy did her version of a scream, and twitched in hammer-time. i actually felt a bit guilty for my 6-month old, baby twitch. doctor-i -hate-children told me the botox {did you know botulism means sausage in latin} takes a couple of days to take effect.

i stumbled out, hand covering my right eye, protecting my now beloved cub.

coming home, exhausted from the ocular rape, i fell into bed, and tried to nap my morning beating, to my bank account and my eye, away.

waking up, the first thing i felt was the absence of twitchy. she was gone! hand to cheek, that reverberation down my face had vanished. something felt strange though. was it just that i was so used to my eye fluttering, that "normal face" now felt odd. i ran to the mirror to check out my miracle:

yes, my twitch had fled my lower, right eyelid.

but the little minx had journeyed her way up to my upper, left brow.

awesome.

it has been three-plus weeks post socket assault. bitch twitch continues her artist in residence status. she's partial to my lower, right barker lounger, but occasionally spices it up in the high, left loft.

i'm at a loss. i go back to doctor-my-numbing-cream-sucks in september. stay tuned.

monday happy m'loves.

coastin'

monday happy m'loves.

today is a busy day of spinning, tucking, twisting, curling, and smiling.

the fall silhouette is long and lean {tuxedo suits and long skirts} and i'm off to get my clients ready.

a giant "THANK YOU"  to coast magazine for my recent write-up, and an even bigger "THANK YOU" to ralph palumbo, magician photographer, for making a flu-ey katie camera ready.

you'll poke yer EYE out!

twitchy is now going six weeks strong.

botox is out. a paralysis of the 24hr palpitate can't be guaranteed, and the risks of an imbalance in the face are high.

my chemical asymmetry and emotional incongruity are the rice and beans to my family of origin enchilada.

i don't need anymore imbalances on my plate.

yesterday i gave acupuncture a whirl.

contrary to what others say, those needles are sharp, they do hurt, and i bled.

the soothing sounds of pachebel piped over ocean waves, a sugary sweet gardenia candle, and the honey purr of my doctor's voice were the only things saving her {doctor} from an open palm smack each time she pricked me with one of those tiny, chinese voodoo pins.

diaphragmatically breathing in through the nose, and out through the mouth....i went to my happy place:

it's amazing what visualization can do for anxiety.

alas, bitch twitch still here.

she's actually a little amp'd up post STAB session, but dr. sugar-lips warned me that may happen.

perhaps twitchy likes chocolate candy bars.

more to follow.

tuesday happy to you m'loves.

off i go

goodbye weekend. good riddance to pity.

nothing like a visit with adored aunt charla to send the scary sadness away.

grilled cheese and homemade lentil soup help too.

new week. fresh start. favorite detests the mopey; he's always commanded a certain dignity. a characteristic his two siblings consistently and miserably fail to supply.

i ferociously ride into this headwind of hurt with my heart lifted high, shoulders square, wearing my sincerest smile.

i get to love.

that's not just icing. that's icing and rainbow sprinkles.

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Happy New Year

resolution time.

i detest these silly things. i detest uncomfortable shoes. yet i still wear them.

i am resolute to make the following things happen this year:

you dears? what are you resolute to change? i hope nothing because i adore you all exactly the way you are. yes, brandi even you with that giant herp on you face.

happy new year loves.

-katie

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