simple math really......
THIS:
EQUALS:
I mean, REALLY boys, how hard is it to change the roll?!?!! It's become such a problem I've made a deal with HH that the next time he leaves me cardboard in the loo, I get to buy myself a present courtesy of his hard earned money. Because the man IS brilliant, he could not argue that this was fair. This is the perfect opportunity for me to get my hands on that Coco Cocoon I've been eyeing!!! How cool is Karl Lagerfeld to pick Lily Allen to enact Miss Audrey in the new Fall campaign?
me so pretty!!!!!
do you like it??!???!?! can you feel my eyelashes batting at you?!?! welcome to my beautiful blog banner (shoulders bashfully shaking side to side in hopeful anticipation of your praise.)Elisabeth of Salt Life designed this fantastic blog banner just for ME!?!?!??!? What a talent! I've admired her designs on Annechovie and My Favorite and My Best, so I was twirling for hours when I got the chance for her to design for me. Check out her Etsy store if you're looking for a fresh, friendly designer who can really hone in on your personal style, and deliver a beautiful individual design. She does business cards, logos, banners, etc.Thank you so much Elisabeth!!! Love, Irene.
un bain chaud agréable
Amongst my friends it is well known that I spend most of my free time in my giant, crockpot of a bathtub. I LOVE taking baths. Due to my profession I'm constantly having to rinse off, and re-emerge powder fresh for my next client or class. Bathing is really part of my job stability when you think of it. I could make it a humdrum formality with a quick shower and a bar of Zest. But I'm the girl who brushes her teeth AND sprays on perfume before bed every night; any chance during my day to create a mini-Cleopatra experience i'm going to take it. My dear friend Aurora* asked me to blog about what makes a perfect bath experience.The Egyptians were the first people to document themselves taking baths. That infamous Ptolomaic queen, known for her exquisite skin, was known to bathe in milk and honey: milk a natural exfoliator and honey a provider of many minerals, vitamins, and anti-inflammatory ingredients. I, myself, am no queen (well in some circles,) but I do require certain must haves for my underwater ritual.Candles!! Candles!! Candles!! I'm a scent whore. Those people who say they can't stand too much fragrance or cologne; I don't speak that language. The stronger the scent the better (except for Thierry Mugler's Angel, can we please put a moratorium on this overexposed, has been, former child star perfume?) My favorite candles in the world are Seda France. You can smell them for hours even post snuff. My favorite scents depend on the season: Clementine for Autumn, Nutmeg Vanille for Winter, French Tulip for Spring, and Verveine for Summer. My second favorite line is Belle Fleur. They're a little harder to find locally, so I have a hard time keeping them in stock.Second, I must have some sort of condiment; be it salts, bubbles or oil. We've determined a heady bouquet is a moral imperative to my happiness, therefore it is essential for my lavation additions to be fragrant. Who better else than Jo Malone to deliver the BEST in scent and luxury. I love Jo Malone's bath oils. I don't wear body lotions or creams (such a time commitment,) but I find if i use bath oil i'm moisturized enough (for me). Jo Malone's bath oils are extra fun because they become slightly foamy under the water, like you're bathing in Champagne bubbles!!!
As for bubble bath Deep Steep which is 100% vegan and paraben free is the best for bubbles and makes your skin smell like a farmer's market afterward. It's also very pocket book friendly.
Bath salts are a little tricky. Depending on what time of day or night you're taking your bath should determine your choice of bath salt. I have dreamily soaked in many natural salts comprised of lavender sprigs, rosemary leaves, hibiscus blossoms, and cloves only to find myself two hours later on a spin bike feeling a sprig of lavender making friends with my Lululemon wonder unders. So just giving you the heads up, if you dabble in the wild bath salts, make sure you rinse and repeat!!!! Because of my bath salt incidents i now lean toward the less exotic ingredients, and go for the basic dead sea salts from Ahava. Their Pure Spa Line are 100% pure Dead Sea Mineral Salts infused with essential oils of Syringa and Green Apple. YUM!!!
Happy scrub a-dub-dub-dubbing!! Love, Irene*name changed
The Friday Funny.....
Wishing you all (my three followers) a sunny weekend where you may squeeze every last bit of summer's juice out of it's rind. Until next time, look how far we've come (or have we actually abandoned great ideas) in the the anti-aging war. Love, Irene....
Appetite Spoiler Alert!!!!!
People ask me if I miss eating meat. Yes, I do. I love steak! I love juicy cheeseburgers, crispy bacon, fat porkchops, and sizzling sausage. Let's not even mention Foie Gras. I fantasize, not of the day when we find the cure for cancer, but when we find the humane way to make Foie Gras; a method so blissful and orgasmic the geese beg the farmers to be the lucky foul to have their livers enlarged. Until then my visual retention of factory farming, and the other inhumane, mainstream practices that get us our "meat" is too acute for me to get those delicious baby back ribs stuck between my incisors again.
Now, this isn't just a food thing either. I'm trying not to buy leather goods either. I know my magic shoes are a perfect patent leather, but let's be honest.....i knew i wasn't getting them.
Ready to Wear
Oh Bottega Veneta, what happened to you? You've forever dazzled me with your handbags and shoes, but my my my, leather-goods be damned if you're not now dangling yummy frocks under my nose. Thomas Maier if i sent Christmas Cards you'd be added to my list this year. You've created a Fall collection with the prettiness and promise of renewal that only comes with Spring Lines. 
Now if only i could work these beguiling accoutrements into teaching a mat class. I might be able to pull off the cropped, lilac, shearling jacket with the GIGANTIC bracelet sleeves on a spin bike. But the willowy yards of yummy milky silk; they'd for sure catch on a reformer spring.It's times like these where i reconsider a deal with the devil. Maybe a night at The Island Hotel fundraising, for god knows what terrible Orange Country conservative cause, wouldn't be so bad as long as I was able to wear my new Bottega Veneta dress??? hmmmmmmm..............
Our Playground
I want a house that has got over all its troubles. I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house. Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927) from They and II grew up in a model home. We had a stairway that was just for "show," and a "library" with blank books. Our dining room floor was so immaculate, you could perform open heart surgery. My mom replicated every square inch of their current home to its model; right down to the matching dried peas in the glass apothecary jars on the kitchen counters. If given the chance, Colin Cowie would intern for free for my mother/Jane. It is no surprise that I will always feel that my home is on the junior varsity team of style and completion.Don't get me wrong, like any proper mother daughter relationship, I have my adequate share of rebellion and independence. While my mom's gorgeous homes are richly textured, luxuriously hued, and always accessorized with the perfect collection (she was doing seashells WAY before Diane Keaton in Something's Gotta Give,) my taste has always been white, uncluttered, and accessorized with dog hair. Nevertheless, I have a fantasy that one day I'll be able to pull my house together like my ingenious mother.Here are a few shots of rooms I someday hope i'll be able to pull together a la Jane.
One Year
One year today you became my HH (hunky hubby.) I'm still twirling that you picked me (you're pretty lucky yourself mister.) One year and i still sometimes get a little nervous when your name comes up on my phone screen. One year and i still want you to come home early every night from work. One year and your teeth flossing joke still makes me laugh night after night. One year and I'm definitely OVER your inability to help me recycle the plastic bottles in the house (do we need to even go there why we EVEN have plastic bottles, honey?) One year and not a day (more like an hour) goes by without thinking I can't wait to tell him this. My sweet boy, we may not be the type which "completes" one another, but I'm definitely less Dre without you as my Snoop.p.s. one of my favorite blogs a cup of jo is on her honeymoon. in her absence she's guest blogging "our secrets to a happy marriage." they're all very different, as are all marriages. i'm enjoying them immensely. enjoy.
"Hello, Lover!!!"
I consider myself a somewhat practical and reasonable girl........
but these Chanel Pearl Pumps leave me slightly feverish with a less than responsible makeup. I MUST have them. They complete me. Imagine all the lady-like acts of goodness I'll be able to accomplish with these magic heels (they ARE magic.) Wearing these pearly perfections I just know my charity work will flourish exponentially. I'll stand high above all the others (the platform measures 4") at the soup kitchen rationing out porridge, i'll sit so elegantly, ankles crossed to the side just so, as i read to orphans, and promenading down the boulevards in my opaline magic shoes i'll get my environmental petitions signed with grace and style. I can just hear the sound of bippidi boppidi boo as my feet step into said fancy footware.Just like the Princess; a transformation will take place: my posture more erect, my teeth more sparkly, and my complexion a little peachier and creamier. High Tea with devonshire cream and scones will replace my black as tar coffee. The Bible will replace my Vanity Fair, my fingertips manicured frenchly , my hair tightly bunned, my lips glossed clear, and my music hip-hop free. Can't you just see the well-bred lady I will become? Now, who do i have to f*ck to get them?
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life.....
The better half, my HH, is off away on business. Although the puppies and I miss him desperately when he leaves, we also know it means dance party with mommy!!!! So while he's off slaying dragons, making sure the baby gets formula, us three monkeys will be Lady Gaga'ing the night away complete with glo-sticks and tambourines.
"Clean-Up Aisle 1, i think it's Trout"
I'm always amazed when i do my shopping at Mother's Market at the copious amount of terrible plastic surgery. We're talking dreadful. That Scandanavian "gentleman" with his eyes so tautly pulled back , he now can pass for Thai; and his hairpiece could pass for a Maltese. Oh dear lord, and this lady at the deli counter!?!?!?! We could have served an entire sample platter (veggie lasagna, tabbouleh, AND Dolmas) on her bottom lip. Do the other stores not allow these people in the door? Is there a special discount Mother's gives these cartoon characters? In their post-op take home packets of compresses and ice packs, are there Mother's coupons for Ezekiel Bread and a menstrual cup? I do like the contrast, though, of these tucked, stapled, bandaged Jocelyn Wildenstein wannabe's meandering the aisles of kombucha & gluten-free alongside the dreadlocked hippies, and the girls who don't shave their armpits.
Love is all around..........
F*ck You J.Crew
As if i didn't hate myself enough? Just when i had tucked and squeezed my half-japanese quads into your "skinny jeans" (mind you with the help of K-Y and a shoe horn) you have to throw toothpick jeans at me?!!??!
Apparently it's the "superslim silhouette of the moment." I'm hoping in Jenna Lyons' next moment she'll be a little more sensitive to those of us who like a little frosting on our cupcakes, us who like to taste our food just once (not twice, on round two, with the back of a toothbrush,) us who take Ritalin truly for our ADD. J.Crew, maybe next time you will come up with something a little more creative: nacho lover knickers? linebacker leggings? redwood tree jodhpurs? Hopefully, you'll be a little more sensitive to their buyer and her low self image of herself. Until then, I'm requesting that you make the toothpick in cords as well, and does anyone know any Phen-Phen friendly pharmacists?
