march
true to form, monsieur march came in like a lion;
surly and base, big paws swiping madly in the air.
agile as a cat, i luckily avoided any pops or scrapes to the face and bod.
silly little lions can't knock me down;
i'm always ready for a nice tangle and scrap.
scratch that. not true. pants on fire.
i HATE confrontation.
i'm quite the chicken.
cluck. cluck.
i'd rather hold my tongue than rumble.
my legs have a nice cozy spot for my tail.
but with all the bumps and barnacles i must share what else march has tendered:
homemade key lime pie.
mumford and son's tickets.
this year's first bloom of my jasmine plant.
a friday evening of french cuisine and friends.
new screen doors throughout the house.
a family dinner.
new bedroom furniture.
my dad's birthday.
my mom's beautiful smile.
spin and pilates students giving me goosebumps with their dedication.
blog posts making me cry, scream with laughter, and happy dance {sometimes all at once}.
my beasts discovering the art of spooning.
plum blossom bath soap.
pink nails.
hunkiest.
and finally the privilege of talking to you m'loves.
thursday happy to you!
rainbow hunter
a wet morning welcome can't dampen my weekend parade.
boots strapped, i stomp myself silly into monday's rote routine of have to.
long-legged lilies, cart wheeling out of their vase, do their part to help bewitch the smile out of me.
memories of stolen kisses at a tabletop for two suddenly turn these rain showers into a romantic jean luc goddard film.
i have to be on guard.
winter storms do their best to charm my inner recluse to further hide, shelter, and shut.
lately i've come down with a case of covers up, doors closed, phones and computers in trash turned off.
but mr. drippy window pane here,
you blurry the dark, thundering clouds into a jewely, kaleidoscope wild.
stepping outside seems not so scary.
so, off i go.
eyes fixed forward.
task at hand:
there are rainbows to hunt.
tickling my toes
just a few things making me silly happy.
buds refusing to bow down to the bully of frost and freeze;
defiantly, flamboyantly blooming big bowfuls of petal for our cold winter favor.
birthday cakes are on the brain.
i'm completely heart sweet on this sugary vanilla, heavy on the frosting {save me the rose please} happy pastry.
tis so hard for me to remain completely grown-up diving into a slice of said prettied delight; my legs often pop into a spontaneous, uncontrollable happy dance underneath the dining room table.
how 'bout we all pop over to jamie's for a slice? childish dance party optional.
she's another, that jamie girl, who can make me giddy glee.
also getting my goose greased gay are my tim mcgraw worthy clodhoppers.
thudding me up and down the town, always paired with the frilliest skirts and dresses my closet can proffer.
let's not forget my daily date{s} with bathtub.
today my window to a better, brighter, kinder world has a little less streaking.
a new path paved with possiblity....and pink {big smile} is always available for me to walk about.
i know this to be truer than the bluest of true.
an afternoon, or {gasp} even more scandalous, a morning tryst with mr sandman may not just be a pipe dream one of these days.
a reignited my romance with my kitchen.
after 12 days with the flu the thought of anyone else handling my food made an already fussy stomach even more flustered and overwrought.
i'm actually tasting food in its perfect form again; not covered up in sugar, salt and other additives.
this could get addictive.
date night.
hunkiest and i start planning our next outing while in the midst of our current rendezvous.
so much for living in the moment.
but our time together is so limited, and the word precious even seems flippant.
we're fierce with this allotment.
we look forward to it all week, and still feel like they end oh too early.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e_rGR9ItRY]
this song is currently burning up my ipod.
and you!
you elate me my loves. the emails, comments, those who agree and disagree. those who have nothing to say.
i love you all.
i'm tickled totally.
nonsense
yesterday, using my thumb and index finger, i showed a friend my dwindling tolerance for nonsense; nary a speck of light could shine through a once giant wingspan of permissiveness.
t'was not even 545 am and already a woman's day was ruined because someone else had signed up for her spin bike.
mind you said woman still was able to take class and participate,
but the fact that she wasn't early enough to sign up for her usual bike was a cataclysmic breach so ruinous she felt the need to mire me in her misery-bowl of punch.
when asked about hair and makeup in an interview for into the gloss, lauren santo domingo answered,
I get a blow-out, I get my makeup done—I just can’t be bothered to do it myself.
at 8½ months pregnant, the vogue editor and wife to billionaire andres santo domingo, also said she can't remember the last time she washed her own hair.
and in this day and age when pedophiles are walking away on $100,oo0 bail; a mad man is playing duck hunt on his own people, and bullying is such an epidemic kids liken it to part of their school curriculum;
{all rather vulgar to me}
lauren's idea of vulgarity is a woman with lipstick on her starbuck's cup.
there's an amazing actor killing himself right before the eyes of his family and children.
greedy, grubby news networks are lining up for interviews and ratings; sopping up every last quote and soundbite like he's the last droplet of an alain ducasse bouillon.
people are snarkily making fun as if they have never had a single demon to wrestle in their entire, milky white lives.
this is funny? this is feel good? watching a slow, drawn out, painful death?
maybe cbs, twitter, and facebook can start live-feeding executions for people.
i have eating issues; i have social anxiety.
i have things in my past that bubble up out of nowhere so painful sometimes i can't breathe.
i get a little crazy every day. maybe not out loud. definitely not with a camera crew.
thank god.
because the dominating, hyena jeers would drown out any offers of help or love.
i have two holes in my body.
one on my forearm, one on my shin.
they've been there for a month now. cut out by my very trusted, thorough dermatologist.
she's feels good about my shin.
she's not so sure about my arm.
damn.
i've been sitting with this news for a while, and we're being proactive.
i'm sure everything will be fine.
but i must say, with this new information, while i AM noticing a lot of the wonderful things in this world..
i'm also noticing a whole hell of a lot of nonsense.
weekend happy
it is only with the heart
that one can see rightly; what is essential
is invisible to the eye.
-antoine de saint-exupéry
a revision
yesterday, amidst all the chocolate hearts and pink carnations i found myself in a familiar place: conflicted.
a pickle of sorts.
spout, spout, spout i spat my distaste for all things valentine and hallmark.
but contrary is not a color i wear well. completely washes me out actually.
yet mid savasana {thank you raquel perry} a shift occurred in my heart and brain.
loosening up the laces on my grinch boots, i slowly started to shovel out my deep rooted heels.
and for the rest of the day i decided to send out valentines {silent, energetic, fairytale-princess-like} to the people i don't love.
wordlessly, i hurled arrows of happy toward those who are hurtful, dishonorable, and vicious.
people who have affected me personally, and people who haven't.
luckily it wasn't a long list.
what is extensive is the continued peace i feel in my heart.
so i revise my stance on valentine's day.
while my knee jerk is still to think of those without,
i can still privately honor the holiday within.
wishing you a tuesday beautiful m'loves.
required loving
i love to read. always have.
soon as i could link those consonants, vowels, verbs, nouns, conflict, character, resolution;
i was a goner.
while my friends were playing handball at recess i was convening with jo and amy.
exotic vacations with the family i spent burrowed in a book; my love affair with my stories far outweighed any canyon, tower, or beach.
until the summer of the required reading list.
upon entering junior AP english, students are given the list: books deemed necessary for the following term.
books never to be discussed, quizzed or essayed, but requisite nonetheless.
suddenly 12 books i had longed to read and intended to devour, interested me as much an infected hangnail.
suddenly the sweet valley high twins started to feel cerebral and seductive.
so where am i going with this?
valentine's day.
last night i finally realized why i'm not a fan
i love.
i love hunkiest. i love my family. i love my friends. i love strangers.
i don't need a day of red (my least favorite color) to remind me to love.
force feed me something and i'll come back with a different recipe not so tasty.
most valentine's day my mind goes to people like the guy on 17th street living out of his shopping cart, or my neighbors who are splitting up.
i can't help but see all the heart-shaped mylar balloons and pink carnations through their eyes.
february 14th my heart hurts for those who might not be as lucky as the rest of us.
so, forgive me if i respectfully decline to participate in the valentine's day pomp.
it feels like required reading for the heart.
eyes wide shut
my toes-a-tippy are solely devoted to ballerina pointé, and deeper looks into the donut display.
yet lately, my colleagues friends and i find ourselves begrudgingly walking with backs more upright,
eggshells beneath our creeping feet,
treading carefully on a landmined laced tightrope.
shifting, dark eyes have suddenly sprouted from dusty corners.
years of honesty, dedication, and love are now expected to take backseats to bottom lines.
i wasn't schooled in the game of watch your back, and i don't fancy an education now.
call me naïve. call me green. i can fashion a fabulous frock with both.
but i will not run in the race of the rats.
would you like to start with an app?
kittens.
i've finally {3 months later} taken my ipad out of its box.
so now what?
{thumbs twittling}
she's very pretty, my ipad.
pantene-hair glossy, and ultra slim fit.
but for the last couple days it's been a rather awkward round of 1st dates:
ipad and i sitting at the table together quietly; uncomfortably avoiding each others' stare...
the mocking piano jingle from the apple commercial bouncing up and down the keys in my brain.
{this uptempo tune has quickly morphed into a john carpenter-like halloween association for me}
aren't i supposed to order appetizers or something for us now?
any suggestions?
you know me. i like pretty, fancy things that swish swish in the wind.
i make college boys weep with my ability to put away good food.
i also need to have my world news fix at least once an hour.
so all you tech savvy apple of my eyes, what shall i load on my lonely girl?
vision
undoubtedly, we become what we envisage
~ćlaude m. bristol
a fresh, new month.
a chance to do it all so much better.
my focus sharp. locked on a tomorrow of promise and pride.
i hold the pony leashes a little tighter. i can sense the ride amping up.
i'm no lone ranger by any means.
we are all taking our own journeys.
side by side, cheek to cheek, hand in hand.
although naysayers need not apply for my rodeo.
cynical, gloomy, and downhearted drags can dribble to the side joylessly.
i envision only a future of window and light.
open to brighter days and ultimately a shinier me.
whether it be acting, teaching, blogging, or binge eating {until the cows stop producing that damn cheese},
i remain faithful to my bleeding, beating, wide open heart.
a fabulous february to you m'loves.
a step back
oodles of ravishing shoes in our world.
fancy shapes, heights, and designs.
fetching to me may read utterly ridiculous to you.
we find beauty in our own way. it should be personal.
i tend to forget this.
yesterday i forgot my kinship to someone who is struggling.
why would that person act like that?! i would NEVER do it that way!!
{especially in such put together shoes}
but shame on me;
who am i to really know until i've walked in theirs?
morning glory
minutes before my cranky alarm chimes her rallying eep
the warm aroma of my morning coffee has already kissed and coddled my gently awake.
the simple, pre-bedtime chore of setting my pot's timer rewards a million times over.
steaming, spicy perk ready for me with a smile as i stumble down to a mocha scented kitchen.
half of my brain still dancing with the mermaids and pucks on the pillow;
i'm wakeful enough to feel tickled and merry for my morning brew.
happy tuesday loves.
tick tock
the clock's second hand cracks like my very own desktop rapping headmistress.
my current peck and pace scantily permits playtime of any kind.
{although my daily fit of giggles somehow always find their way to erupt and emerge}
my list these days just seems more baseball field than bucket.
tis the first year this feathery, pink boa has started to constrict around my neck.
i've worked to shear the feuding and clashing hedges in my path,
but worry some of them may hold buds for tomorrow's bouquets.
my heart, the cadence of my candlelight, the drip of the coffee pot, the rain on the roof....
they all hear it too: tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
the house beats in one giant, gentle, cruel pulse.
image
happy new year
a toast to you m'loves.
cheers to finding beauty in the blah, rooting clever from the dim, and seeing sparkle in the dull.
let's twinkle-light up our lives a bit, and shine our gaiety 'round.
resolution number 3: cell stupid
over the summer my beloved phone died a painful, dramatic, sylvia plath-like death.
my grief grew branches and bore fruit when i learned my cherished model was no longer offered,
and in addition i would have to switch phone companies.
enter the DROID.
let's just say i've had migraine headaches more pleasant than this torture-bot.
apparently one needs a computer science Ph.D just to figure out ringtones.
let's not even talk about composing an email......{M.I.T. graduates}
eleven trips to the verizon store and two replacement droids later i decided it wasn't the phone for me.
did you know droid is a synonym for drone {what we call the robotic military planes used to kill people-hello???}
begrudgingly i moved onto a different kind of phone: blackberry bold.
enter a whole new set of buttons, appetizers, screens, cords, and problems.
this phone, although not as NASA as the droid, still would be considered a lemon.
but it's ok. perfect actually.
it's been almost 5 months of a super shoddy relationship with my cell phone and i LOVE it.
i used to be glued to my silly phone. now i rarely know where it is.
i have less paranoia, less anxiety, and more solitude.
i will stay in this verizon lair where my brain gets to nap more, read more, and pet the dogs.
my quality of life has improved so much i'm determined to become even more unhitched to my phone.
here's to unplugging in 2011.
resolution number 1
i've wasted spent so much of my life consumed with what i put in my mouth.
is it healthy?
is it vegetarian?
is it organic?
is it good for the environment?
will it make me gain weight?
will it make me sleepy?
will i regret eating this later?
blah. blah. blah. boring!!!!!
what truly holds the heavy weight in my heart is what comes out of my mouth.
when i find myself the agent of gossip or other disparaging remarks at innocents' expense;
the shame and guilt i feel is worse than any post middle of the night binge induced remorse.
better to have just shoveled in that jar of peanut butter, bag of popcorn, and block of munster cheese.
at least the next day i could just work it off.
not so much with words.
chat, opinions, speculation..they all hinder and hurt more often than help.
this year rather than vex and irk about what goes into my mouth;
i hope to show more compassion toward what comes out of my mouth.
click image for source
and i'm off...
one foot, then the next.
readily leaving this tiger year behind.
nothing against cubs, but i'm more of a rabbit kind of girl.
as for public declarations for personal improvement i'm going to try some new ones this year.
begone are my pledges to drink more water, sleep more soundly or eat vomit, i mean, beets once a week.
a decade of trying, and these resolutions still haven't.....stuck.
this round i'm going for a new spin: intentions that actually bring me happiness.
stay tuned m'loves.
wet
i've been row-boating my way to and fro work these last few days.
buckets, bathtubs, and barrels of rain showering down on california.
an early amuse bouche from santa if you ask me.
cold, rainy days make the cup of coffee steamier, the cheeks rosier, and arrival home cozier.
cheers to weather.