waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

on hands and knees i've remained for the last twenty-four hours. as of press time i've thrown up 31 times.

water, perrier, 7-up, orange crush, orange juice, root beer; nothing is taming this bug. i wish i could actually enjoy this trip down carbonation lane.

if anyone has any holiday weight they need to lose, feel free to come make out with me. i'll only charge you a bottle of pepto bismo.

that's all for now. off to hang with my new friend mr. kohler.

might be

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

seriously, if the unemployment figures aren't scary enough, check out this shit show:

commercial photographer, susan anderson is currently displaying "high glitz," a three year treasure chest of embryonic "beauty" contestants captured in their full regalia, at the kopeikin gallery in los angeles;

i can't pick a favorite. they all frighten me.how high must the dress go before child protective services is called? 

could these girls look any sadder?

acrylics up above is two years old.

i put this here if you need to puke. i did.

cold

double wool up to my knees. down zippered jacket worn under the covers. two golden retrievers valiantly striving to thaw my feet and chest. the fire cackles worthlessly. why can't i ever get warm?maybe my parents did adopt me from a gecko family?i can feel frost form over my bones. lying down it's an icier chill; less stoke for body heat.don't you dare close that window!!!  the cold makes me ache for the honeyed warmth i so greedily took for granted.moving into the cold just for today. images

shhh

find me a field for napping today.

no bid for a blanket beneath; the grasses and dandelions bend kindly for sleepy guests. gossamer clouds drift me dreamily into an afternoon reverie; their fleecy cotton shade my face. cadenced buzzing of the bees quiet what yoga couldn't. i lay undisturbed.here, i'll move over. napping fields open unbounded for the warm-hearted. *image Luca Patrone

I want a f*cking cookie!!!

shooting today. ready to eat my fist i'm so hungry. giant bean and cheese burrito (extra cheese, extra sour cream) waiting for me at the end of the day.

What Dinner Looks Like When HH Works Late

Bourbon: Good

Cupcake: Good

Borrowing the dog's insulin: Good

Ah, to be young again....

I don't know if it's sexier, but it did feel great getting carded yesterday buying beer for chili. The thrill of being mistaken for pre-21 lost a little of its luster when questioning cashier took 10 minutes to put on his coke-bottle glasses to actually check my ID,  used a walker to pony up to the register, and had to put his teeth back in to tell me my bill.

Amelia

The movie Amelia opens today. I don't want to see it. I kinda already know the ending. Sorta like when everyone ran out to see Titanic???? Didn't they already know the punchline? But I must say I am slightly obsessed with Miss Earhart. Why you ask? Why do my pupils dilate a tad darker when I chance an image or story of this celestial siren? Is it because of  the trails she blazed in our sky? Is it for her plucky, independent streak that shattered glass ceilings for us girls? Do I love her because she defied society's gender rules, and still maintained her feminine allure? ...............No. I just really like her clothes. She dressed totally rad and badass, but still managed to look elegant and chic. Look how effing cool she is:If Miss Amelia were with us today she would rock Jean Paul Gautier's Hermes, Ready to Wear Fall, 2009 collection. For once, I don't detect much circus or mania in this Gautier batch; just beautiful, polished, 1930s inspired designs.

Off To The Lighthouse.......

So I FINAlly finished Geraldine Brooks' "People of the Book," a novel spanning five- centuries through Europe and the Middle East, telling the true story of an ancient illuminated manuscript: the Sarajevo Haggadah. Usually, I'm  a pretty quick read, but having read Brooks before I should have known better.  I won't go into minute, atomic, thorny, lengthy detail because that would be just plagiarizing the novel. Brooks is certainly informative. So is Wikipedia. I could have just read her "afterword," and come away with the same opinion in 30 seconds rather than 2 weeks.The best part of finishing a book is getting to pick the NEXT one!!! It's like the night BEFORE the big dance. What to pick? What to pick? I haven't read a GREAT novel in a couple of years. I read William Lobdell's fantastic memoir, Losing my Religion, which I feel he wrote personally for me (i'm such a narcissist), and which still stays with me today. Sorry Mom. Sorry Father Jerome.But I want fiction!!! So why am I picking Virginia Woolf, where apparently plot is a non-issue, stream of conciousness rules, prose is serpentine and challenging to follow, and the main character is fragmented and two winks of a cuckoo clock????? Um, Hello? Maybe this is MY memoir??No, I thought it was finally time I had read myself some Woolf. I thought reading The Hours by Michael Cunningham counted as reading Mrs. Dalloway, This also from a girl who thinks buying the soundtrack to Schindler's List counts as seeing the movie. I'm ready. I've got my raincoat full of rocks, and I'm ready to read.Let me know you're thoughts on Virginia.

Weekend? Gone so soon?

Weekend? Where did you go so fast? Was it something I said; you seemed to vanish so quickly? I found myself sitting in bed this morning, covers up to my chin, looking out at the empty, lonely monday morning, calling out "call me?" in a sad, pathetic effort inspiring you to a quick return.I know we didn't start off on the best foot? Friday evening, precious time and IQ points were lost that will never be regained: At least my crepes of butter and cream, with a side of mushrooms, saved the evening from a total bust:

Saturday we regained our footing. I taught three classes, one of which was "Pilates for Pink" which raised some money for breast cancer:Post tuck and squeeze I decided my toes and fingernails needed a little spiffying up:Date Night with HH still has me giddy and swooning.....................................................And how about sleeping in on Sunday morning (well 6 am is sleeping in for me,) with 2 french presses, 3 newspapers, and an outing with Truman?

Finish it off with an afternoon nap, Lapsong Souchong tea, and dinner with friends. The only thing missing was a tryst with the family, and it would have been the perfect weekend.Weekend, please hurry back.

Priscilla gets a Time Out

Don't let those inky, kohl eyes fool you!! Pink feathers doth not a lady make. Unfortunately, Priscilla's pre-rescue days surfaced yesterday.Post work, groveling through the front door, crippled from tucking, squeezing, and pelvic flooring my clients into gods and goddesses, I tortuously grinded to my sugary, sweet, day's end dividend: Our Halloween Bowl. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups! Why else do we have the month of October other than for Reeses Peanut Butter Cups? HH and I are, already, on our second bag (damn neighborhood kids???.) But what do I find.............? Not, a "just replenished on Tuesday with two economy sized  Target bags" bowl of candy, but a barren, empty, shiny (do i smell Pledge?), desolate, hollow bowl. What else do i find?Yes. Our little hooker from the streets took our Reese's out the bowl, out of the wrappers, one by one. Almost ladylike. Our other two schmos, Sawyer and Truman, sure as hell wouldn't take the time to remove any packaging, lest it slow down their inhalation. Truman eats Sawyer's vomit for god's sake. But at least the boys know proper house decorum, and judiciously excused themselves from participating in their sister's binge. I know this for a fact for two of the three beasts are quiet and sweet smelling; the third smells and sounds like a frat house. Grrrrrrrrr.P.S. We are aware of the dangers of chocolate poisoning and dogs. We are keeping a vigilant eye on our little, naughty girl. She is showing zero signs of toxicity,  just self-disgust.

Send in the Clowns

I know I'm not in the minority when I say "clowns scare the crap out of me." Given the choice between: a dark alley, with an 8 foot, open sored, knife-wielding, schizophrenic, Richard Ramirez wannabe, OR cupcakes and cucumber sandwiches with a clown? I say, "bring on the Abreva baby."Genuis', REED + RADER, have augmented my anxiety with their recent work for Spiral. Make sure you linger on the scary biznatches' faces so you can the full creepy effect.

One Shot!!!!

My amazing friend Greer Wylder, the busiest woman I know, recently shared with me her newest project/passion: "One Shot." I'd like to share a message from her and incredible trailer of the new documentary "One Shot." I feel so honored to be included  in the "One Shot" buzz. Please spread the word and the trailer.From Greer:One of my four sons, Tristan, 18, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes (an autoimmune disease) nearly four years ago. He's now insulin dependant for life, which is not a cure, it's life support. Since he was diagnosed he's given
himself more than 8,000 injections of insulin, and has pricked his fingers for blood nearly 16,000 times.  It's been a tough time on all of us. Even though he looks like a picture of health, his fluctuating blood sugar levels can cause catastrophic damage to his liver, kidneys, heart, eyesight and more. Type 1 Diabetes is life-threatening, difficult and it doesn't go away. I work hard as a board member of JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation), which funds research for a cure to Type 1 Diabetes and its complications. I won't give up until there's a cure for Tristan and the hundreds of millions of people living with diabetes around the world.
Apart from my work with JDRF, I've been introduced to two inspiring documentary filmmakers from New York, Lisa Hepner (a Type 1 Diabetic too) and Guy Mossman. They're in production on a film called "One Shot," a documentary about Team Type 1, a team of international professional cyclists all with Type 1 Diabetes who are competing to become the first diabetic athletes to conquer the Tour de France. They are hoping to get into the race by 2012. With exclusive access, "One Shot" will follow the team over the next three years. They want to do for Type 1 Diabetes and diabetics what Lance Armstrong has done for cancer research and cancer patients. You can preview the documentary at "One Shot" trailer.
I'm very passionate about this film, and Lisa Hepner and Guy Mossman of Vox Pop Films have asked me to be executive producer.
This film will educate, entertain and inspire the audience, whether you have diabetes or not. Everyone understands a struggle. It's also a way to generate awareness, funding and research to find a cure. This film will reach a worldwide audience. It's a great story, period. And it will bring us closer to a cure.
The completion of "One Shot" depends heavily on the generosity of donors, both individuals and corporations. And all contributions are tax-deductible, and donors will be acknowledged in the
credits of the film. My overall goal as executive producer is to raise $500,000 to help fund this film.
If you'd be interested in making a donation to get this film made or know someone who might (or both). I'll contact you within the next week to gauge your interest. In the meantime, if you have any
questions, please contact me at greer@voxpopfilms.tv or 949.300.8713.I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Greer WylderTenth Muse Films
A 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Corporation275 Degraw St.#4Brooklyn,NY 11231[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72NCRWvFOxc&feature=fvw]

How could you Ralph Lauren?

So the blogs are burning up this week over Boing Boing's accusations of possible photo-shopping by Ralph Lauren.  The ad, originally featured on Photoshop Disasters, features the already gaunt Fillapa Hamilton, slimmed down to a cartoon-like figure in jeans and a sleeveless blouse. With arms razor-thin enough to slice suzuki for my rainbow roll, and a thimble sized waist,  Boing Boing's Xeni Jardin blogged: "Dude, her head's bigger than her pelvis."  Apparently, tis not "cool" to speculate on hip bone to hip bone ratios in the fashion world; Ralph Lauren filed a Digital Miliienium Copyright Act against Boing Boing and Photoshop Disasters for using the image to criticize/for commentary.Can you say backfire? Unfortunately, for RL their filing has actually just drawn more (negative) press and attention; they are now the hot company to blame for the rise in body dysmorphia . The flames over body image and retouching have been stoked.I pray this will be the tipping point for designers; that they will finally get the message loud and clear they have to STOP doing this to girls. Year after year, season after season these reckless designers throw these ads at us women, and it just destroys us. Upon seeing this ad I immediately  felt that familiar self-hatred only fashion can stir within me. As always is the case I started bingeing, purging and cutting myself. Putting Sheryl Crow's "I Shall Believe" on repeat, I opened all the windows and doors in the house,  took to bed, and rocked myself with my thumb in my mouth for hours. How are we women supposed to cope with these types of demands!?!?!?!!??!!?? How am I supposed to wear such ugly jeans!??!?!?!

You can dance, you can jive...........

Thanking my lucky stars....

i know most of us wish we were gorgeous 18 year old Sport's Illustrated swimsuit models, but I for one am thanking my lucky stars (and lucky charms) that I was/am not. Case in point, eighteen year old Israeli supermodel Esti Ginzburg:If i looked like this when i was a senior in High School, there'd be no doubt i'd be on my 16th pregnancy, and i'd have herpes coming out of my ears. At her age my emotional I.Q. was equal to that candelabra she's holding. I wouldn't have had the self-esteem and poise to handle all the lecherous creepers I'm sure are writhing onto her path. Let's hope she has amazing parents (like i did) who are protecting her, and giving her the street smarts that will keep her virtuous and virus free.So, no i'm not going to resent you Miss Ginzburg. Rather, i'm going to be grateful not hateful, (oh, this is so new and exciting?) and i'm going to thank you for making me remember my bushy brows, my chub rub and hormonal acne with a loving kindness i've yet explored. Namaste'.

Sorry if you don't hear from me in the coming weeks......

but apparently Vicky is looking for some fresh faces and bod's.  That cow, Heidi Klum, gets knocked up as often as the sun sets so I'm sure, behind my back,  my contract's being negotiated as i write this.

Just a little piece of advice for the weekend.......

Yes, boys she may look like an angel in that flattering 3-Thirty-Three lighting, but she still may not be "clean." Where ever you are carousing this weekend, boys and girls, make it safe and sanitary. Love, Irene.

Does anyone have a paper bag i can borrow?

because no amount of concealer can help me with the hormonal havoc happening to my face this week!!!!

me so pretty!!!!!

do you like it??!???!?! can you feel my eyelashes batting at you?!?! welcome to my beautiful blog banner (shoulders bashfully shaking side to side in hopeful anticipation of  your praise.)Elisabeth of Salt Life designed this fantastic blog banner just for ME!?!?!??!? What a talent! I've admired her designs on Annechovie and My Favorite and My Best, so I was twirling for hours when I got the chance for her to design for me. Check out her Etsy store if you're looking for a fresh, friendly designer who can really hone in on your personal style, and deliver a beautiful individual design. She does business cards, logos, banners, etc.Thank you so much Elisabeth!!! Love, Irene.