scratch that santa

i knew those fendi shoes were over the top!!! even cruelty free they still were an asshole thing to ask for.

so santa, on hands and knees, because in all seriousness if i do stand i vomit, i revise my grown-up xmas list. this year i ask for a settled stomach and 98.6 degree temperature. i yearn for at least 6 uninterrupted hours of heave free sleep, and food and water i only have to taste once. santa can you ask your elves to please whip me up a potent elixir to obliterate this which has demon taken over my body? i know tis the season to be welcoming and charitable, but whatever bug/virus i seemed to have caught needs to find another muthafuckin christmas hostess.

merry. merry. bleh.

my grown up xmas list

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!Much pleasure thou can'st give me

just in case he IS checking his list twice here is what i would be asking for if we lived in that magical world where friends weren't sick, parents didn't fret over bills, animals frolicked freely, a soldier's watch was limited to his sleeping child, and our earth pumped out big gulps of clean, unpolluted air.

alas, this world eludes me. yet. till then, here's my shameless, materialistic christmas list.

grand? i think so. but tis just a wish list. health, peace of mind, safety, and a better world nix fendi shoes all day long.

have a jolly tuesday!

images: troy house, country living, coastal living, net-a-porter, paul costello, frank w. ockenfels, flickr.